The Awesome Power of Gentle
What if we cut ourselves a little slack instead of beating ourselves up?
I’m in a trough… a valley… a slump… I left my swanky corporate job in May of 2022 and even with family visits and getting covid twice, I still managed to create 3 animated projects and write 7 articles. That’s a fair bit of creativity in just a few months, but after finishing my last project 2 weeks ago, I’ve kinda hit a wall. I don’t know what to do next and I’m stuck.
Dude, just stop picking your nose and make something!
Uhhhhh… you’re not helping Snarky Voice in My Head. The world does a pretty good job of making me feel inadequate without you piling on. I’ve been cranking on stuff all summer but it doesn’t feel like “enough”… Why is it that we beat ourselves up exactly when we should be showing ourselves a little love?
Don’t ask me… lovin is not my job!
Maybe it should be?? I mean, you’re always there getting all in my biz. Sometimes I need it, but a lot of the time I don’t and you do it anyway.
But I’m soooooo good at the whole “snark thing”!!
No shit… Look, I’m not asking you to quit that… I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t even if I did… I’m just asking you to change it up every now and then. You know that when I win, you win, so maybe try helping me win a bit more often?
Hmmmmmm tell me more of this “winning” you speak of…
My ability to move through the world is tied directly to my mental state. When I’m feeling confident and worthy, I move smoothly through the day. I’m more creative, I learn more, I listen and communicate better. Wouldn’t it be in your best interests to maximize that state instead of wailing on me all the time? Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical dammit!
To misquote the ancient hip-hop philosopher Big Daddy Kane, “Creatin’ ain’t easy”. It takes a lot of mental energy to be focused and consistent even for brief periods, and trying to sustain it for months just isn’t possible. At some point it’s only natural to need to slow down and recharge your batteries. If this low point is really a natural part of life wouldn’t it be better to lean into it purposefully? Embrace the lull instead of fighting it or beating myself up?
Uhhhhhhh…
Quiet Snarky, that was another rhetorical… this is a time for you to listen. At the risk of sounding all philosophical and shit, what is a mountain without a valley? Nothing… It can’t even exist. High and low, hot and cold, life and death… these juxtapositions are naturally occurring.
Unfortunately for us, Western society is built on fighting the natural. Everything about it, from industrialized agriculture to “efficient” manufacturing processes that have given us cheap, powerful computers but cost us the planet we need to live on.
Uh oh… soap box time…
See?? THAT’S what I need you for Snarky! Keep me from going off on a rant when I’ve already made my point… whew… That fighting against the natural extends to our mindset as well. It starts when we’re young…
“Sit in neat rows!” “Don’t talk to your neighbor!” “Stop fidgeting!” “Don’t daydream!”
It continues through adulthood and permeates our culture…
“Men don’t cry!” “Women aren’t strong!”
“Keep a stiff upper lip!” “You can rest when you’re dead!”
What if you NEED rest now? Each of these tropes was inflicted on us to produce a specific range of behaviors. (Usually for the benefit of a rich person, but I’ll save that rant for another day LOL) We’re expected to operate with that specific range of behaviors day in and day out regardless of how we feel… keep on cranking!
It’s just not natural… And here’s where we come back to the title of this article… The Awesome Power of Gentle. What if we showed ourselves some love, instead of beating ourselves up when we naturally need to slow down? What if we were “gentle” with ourselves?
Don’t go all soft on me Rob!!
See, there you go doing it again! Yet another societal trope that doesn’t benefit me. Right now gentle is what I NEED… Has beating myself up about ANYTHING ever done me any good? Nope. So why should I keep on doing it?
Uhhh last I checked, that’s how you’re built!
That’s how I’ve BEEN built, but I don’t have to stay built that way. Change is a natural part of living. We’re used to thinking of change as an external force… something that is imposed on us, but it’s also something we can create within ourselves.
Step one is recognizing what you need to change. Sounds simple, right? Definitely not simple.
For most of the last couple years, I’ve been trying to better understand “myself”. That journey started in the summer of 2020 when I first began seeing a therapist. Yet another black person murdered by a system built from the ground up for our destruction combined with the lunacy of a global pandemic to put me and anyone paying attention into shock.
Slowly, the therapist helped me recover from that shock and then began directing my attention away from the world that I could not control towards myself. You cannot “control” yourself either, but you can definitely “manage” yourself IF you can understand what it is that needs management.
The core tool in that process of recognizing the need for change is mindfulness.
Another simple idea that is challenging to implement, mindfulness is the practice of noticing the thoughts passing through your head in any given moment. We are ALWAYS thinking about something, and those thoughts generate emotions, and those emotions manifest physically in ourselves and in the world. Anxiety causes us to grind our teeth… Anger leads us to lash out.
After months of practice, I can definitely recognize my thoughts, but I’m still working on the management part… I’ve been beating myself up for MOST of my 56 years. Habits like that are very hard to break.
OK… I get it… I’m part of the problem!!
But you could also be part of the solution Snarky Voice in My Head. You’re really good at recognizing what’s actually going on in there. It’s just that your normal first reaction is how you earned your name. What if you changed it up? Surprise me by NOT jumping into the fray with both barrels. Try being gentle.
It’s not like I’ve been slacking off. I’ve been working pretty hard for a while now and I deserve a break. YOU deserve a break. WE deserve a break!! Let’s enjoy this time, and then set a realistic goal for our next creative endeavor. It WILL happen. It’s not in our nature to stop, but it should be in our nature to pause.
What have you been beating yourself up over? Did you notice it when it happened? How did you respond? Let us know in the comments!
Since you’ve made it this far, here’s proof that I am not able to simultaneously comfort and hassle myself at the same time.
#empowerment #selfcare #reinvention #career #careerdevelopment #learning #motiondesign #3d #cinema4d #c4d
