The Awesome Power of Checking Your Privilege
Each of us has SOME kind of privilege and understanding your own privilege will help you interact with the world in a more compassionate way.
This article was originally published on LinkedIn in March of 2018. I’m reposting it here as part of moving my writing to my own platform…
For my entire professional life (and most of my life in general) I’ve been surrounded by white people. 99% of the time I’m the only black person in the room. A lot of the time I’m the only non white person in the room. Because of that Ive learned to talk and think in a way that helps me blend into my surroundings. I normally only remind people of my culture when there’s an important point to be made and my culture can help get that point across. I’m used to sitting on my perch, smug in my sense of who I am and who I’m talking to.
So, Imagine my shock when this happened at a recent team dinner…
White Colleague: What did you think of the Hololens when you got to try it?
Rob: You look completely retarded wearing it but it really was a lot of fun!
White Colleague (Shaking his head): Dude you really need to check your privilege!
I sat back, incredulous… What the hell? Check my privilege? He gave me just enough time to mentally catch up with him before reminding me (and everyone within earshot) that his son has Down Syndrome.
I was too profoundly stunned to even smack my forehead
There’s a special combination of brown and red that I reserve for my most embarrassing moments. Even in the dim light of the restaurant that color combo was plainly visible. How could I have been so thoughtless? I’ve known and worked with this guy for years. I worked with his wife. I know about his son’s condition. Why did I say that word in front of him? Of all people?
The reason is that I say “retarded” all the time. I never ever use it to describe a person with disabilities. Ever. But, it’s a regular part of my colorful vocabulary. Why? Because I’m privileged. My son doesn’t have a disability. And I don’t know what that feels like.
But Rob! You’re a black person in the United States! How could you be privileged?
If I step back and examine my life, I’ve lived a VERY privileged existence. My dad was career military so we weren’t rich, but I never wanted for the important things. That simple sentence really sums up just how privileged I was growing up. Here’s a short excerpt from a long list of the many ways I’m privileged…
Born in the United States
Wife and son who support me daily
2 Parents that are still alive and married
5th generation college graduate/attendee
Incredible job that allows me to work from home
I had a sandwich at lunch (some people don’t get them)
And on and on
Looking back, my privilege is made up of a lot of small things, but it still adds up to privilege. I don’t have it better than everyone, but I definitely have it better than a lot of people, and that comfy, cozy, privileged space makes me blind to the problems that others are going through. Remember the dinner incident from the first act?
OK Rob, we get it!! You’re privileged! But why the hell is that important?
It wasn’t until I moved to central Oregon, 3 years ago, that I really started to think hard about privilege. Overnight I was one of only a few hundred black people in a region thousands of square miles in size. Thousands. The “Black Lives Matter” movement was peaking and I suddenly found my self surrounded by outright resentment to those 3 words. Every time I leave my house I’m usually the ONLY black person, sometimes the ONLY non-white person that the people I meet will see that day or sometimes that week. For good or for ill, I became the face of Black Lives Matter for those people and it wasn’t always comfortable. This repeated exposure to the animosity for BLM led me to ask a question...
Why would people who consider themselves thoughtful and caring citizens of a community in a small town in central Oregon take offense to the idea that black folks are treated differently by law enforcement? I'll give you one guess…
Privilege
They don’t know what it’s like to be treated differently so they have no basis for understanding what black people have been through. And there it is.
Acknowledging your privilege is not about admitting guilt for hundreds of years of systemic cultural behavior that you had nothing to do with. It’s about compassion.
Compassion is what holds our world together. When you know how good YOU have it…When you know WHY you have it so good… It might just make you aware that the person next to you at the team dinner has shit they’re dealing with every day. You might not say something insensitive. Instead, you might be supportive. You might not be able to solve their problem but you can give them a hug and ask them how it’s going. That support for each other is what keeps the wolf at the door from devouring us all.
If you’re here on Linkedin, you’re privileged in some way. At the very least you have the privilege of access to information. Whatever your privilege is, own it. Get over it. Then, use your privilege to help where you can.
